"Many plans are in a man's heart, but the counsel of the Lord will stand." Proverbs 19:21
Truth... I'm looking at 26 years of plans. Where I am was definitely not my plan. It's funny how we do that. Growing up, my plan was first to be a teacher. My sister and friends, Lizzy & Rachel, would all get together and play school. I would help my mom grade papers (because for once the red pen wasn't on MY homework! ;) ) Then, around 5th grade, the plan changed to being an actress. I spent every moment after school, over summers, in RATS or Summer Institute, going to a magnet school for theater, applying to NYU, all with a passionate desire to perform. Then in college, I planned to be a teacher, though through an unfortunate series of events that would make Lemony Snicket proud, that plan was uprooted. As college wound up, I decided that the only way to have a life with meaning would be to serve God overseas in Thailand, after spending a couple of weeks there rebuilding homes after the tsunami. I became dedicated to applying to and beginning training with the Red Cross to be sent there to help with relief efforts.
That's when God really started shaking things up. I did NOT want a regular job, I did NOT want to stay in the U.S., I did NOT want to live what some would call the "American Dream." But, as He would have it, that's what I was supposed to do. Through a divine set of circumstances, I was given a job within a week of graduating working for the Department of Defense in Arlington, and not only a job, but assurance that I should take it with a pre-orchestrated place to live and a HEAVY conviction on my heart that even though this didn't seem nearly as important as MY plans, His would be greater. So I went. And formed more plans. In five years, I would be vested, have my student loans paid off, would have gone through my TOEFL certification, and would head to Japan to teach English there, meanwhile engaging in ministry with the kids I taught and local churches. A good plan, right??
And still, He would do more, because about 10 months into my time there, a heavy burden was being placed on my heart that, as wonderful as my time there was (and trust me, there was no better job or coworkers anywhere!), my Father wanted more from me and for me. He had given me gifts, desires, needs to be fulfilled elsewhere in seeking Him. And after a few months of praying and being hit over the head by the Holy Spirit, I conceded that it was a church plant in Richmond that He had set in place. He wanted me there. He wanted me to lay aside yet another set of plans to run after Him instead. And not a single thing would stand in His way.
I remember specifically praying soon after beginning my true relationship with Christ my sophomore year of college, that God would take my life for the sake of Christ... That He would take it and set it on fire with His glory. That He would not allow me to get in the way. That when I was too weak to give it over to Him, that He would remove it from my hands. I wanted to know what it meant to surrender and find, as it says in Matthew 10, "He who has found his life will lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it." That same idea is mentioned 5 times in the gospels, and implied countless others. He is beyond all things, His counsel greater than any earthly wisdom. How can this world compete?? Short answer- It can't. In His presence is fullness of joy, in His right hand are pleasures forever. (Psalm 16)
As I briefly look at where God has brought me now, I have no idea how it is that He got me here. I see the steps, but His fingerprints are unmistakable. I am in love. My Savior that wakes me every morning and woos me to sleep every night desires that I forfeit my shoddy attempts at order and planning that I might see the things He is accomplishing and run this race that HE has marked out. Though it may appear crazy in this world, I will continue to answer the question of "What's next?" with now certain confidence that I will not know, but whatever it is, it is surely His... and I rest in that. 26 years and counting...
12.03.2009
11.16.2009
He overwhelms...
Wow, so I have to write this before the day ends. I actually have another blog entry thingy that I haven't finished yet and will be posted soon, but I couldn't help but share how amazingly God moved today. Those of you who were at Aletheia this morning, you know... as for the rest, this is for you.
We gathered together at 10am this morning at the elementary school we meet at right off the VCU campus. I'm coming off a crazy-go-nuts weekend (that's for you, Angela ;) ), being blessed right and left. To give you a VERY brief update on some of those sweet blessings, one of my supporters GRACIOUSLY addressed with me my need for a new car by letting me know that they would like to buy one for me, an amazing one that gives me more space to move around, store things, carry people and equipment, etc. I've also gotten to spend a lot of time with family & friends, getting ready for a birthday party we were planning to celebrate Ric, a very close friend and huge encouragement since I've moved here a few years ago. Saturday, about 30 0f us went to a conference by one of the authors of "Total Church," a book that's been gaining popularity that examines what it looks like to live as a gospel-centered community, rather than just a Sunday morning "church." And then I was blessed to spend Saturday evening enjoying the fellowship of good friends at Ric's party.
So back to today. After all that blessing, you'd think that no more could be possible, right?! Well, we studied in church this morning 1 Peter 3:13-22, where Peter is encouraging the people not only to endure suffering, but even in unjust circumstances to recognize that we're BLESSED to share in suffering. We're to sanctify our hearts to the Lord, empowered by the example of Christ, who ultimately suffered unjustly for sins He had not committed, but were ours.
As we practiced before the service, one of the songs we were doing as a band is a beautiful one called, "Revelation Song." Kari Jobe does an awesome version of it. As I was singing, for whatever reason, I didn't feel right in the way that it was coming across. My wonderful bandmates were encouraging, saying that it was fine, but I still was not content. After Josh taught on 1 Peter, we got back into singing our last few songs, and I had been praying all morning and then right before Revelation Song, specifically, asking Him to take over and sing it, because I just couldn't. He is so good!!! Because as soon as we started, He did! The song itself is taken from Revelation 4, the description of John seeing God as King upon His heavenly throne, and hearing the songs of the creatures and the elders being sung over and over. They say, " Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God almighty, who was and is and is to come." The chorus finishes out with the line "With all creation I sing praise to the King of Kings. You are my everything, and I will worship."
I literally couldn't stop shaking as we were singing it. From the beginning, I knew that it wasn't my song but His to cry out. The congregation raised their voices together and all around, as we continued to sing, the worship was led by the Spirit. Some were weeping, some laughing, some crying out, some in still awe, some shaking, but together, we had one mind and were focused on one thing... The one thing truly worthy of all our praise. The Almighty God, Creator of heaven and earth. It is amazing when God moves to fill us. We were talking afterwards about how intensely we felt Him move throughout. It was NOT a matter of conjuring emotion or being content to quench the Spirit. The Lord desired that His people would see and recognize that He WAS and IS and IS TO COME! He is still the God that, when He gathers His people, He shows them wonders and miracles. In Acts 2, Luke speaks of the first church, those followers of Christ in community together, saying "Everyone kept feeling a sense of awe." Our Father does astound us, He does shake us. He desires that we recognize who He is. When God came down to Moses, Moses made haste to bow down... He fell to the floor because that is how great His God is!!!
Today, it took everything that I had not to fall down prostrate in the middle of worship. I literally clung to the microphone, as the rest of me cried out... because God was that present. He is always with us, but how beautiful to witness it with the community of people I love and cherish here in Richmond. By the end of that song, Aletheia was on the ground, staring into the face of God, His holy and magnificent and love-scarred face. In all suffering, in all tribulation, in all blessing, I will praise you, oh Lord!
I leave you with this, and an encouragement to read Revelation 4. Chew on it, know that it is truth. Ultimate reality whether our actions regard it as such or not. He is glorious, and we are called to be His body, that the nations might see and know what a great God He is!
We gathered together at 10am this morning at the elementary school we meet at right off the VCU campus. I'm coming off a crazy-go-nuts weekend (that's for you, Angela ;) ), being blessed right and left. To give you a VERY brief update on some of those sweet blessings, one of my supporters GRACIOUSLY addressed with me my need for a new car by letting me know that they would like to buy one for me, an amazing one that gives me more space to move around, store things, carry people and equipment, etc. I've also gotten to spend a lot of time with family & friends, getting ready for a birthday party we were planning to celebrate Ric, a very close friend and huge encouragement since I've moved here a few years ago. Saturday, about 30 0f us went to a conference by one of the authors of "Total Church," a book that's been gaining popularity that examines what it looks like to live as a gospel-centered community, rather than just a Sunday morning "church." And then I was blessed to spend Saturday evening enjoying the fellowship of good friends at Ric's party.
So back to today. After all that blessing, you'd think that no more could be possible, right?! Well, we studied in church this morning 1 Peter 3:13-22, where Peter is encouraging the people not only to endure suffering, but even in unjust circumstances to recognize that we're BLESSED to share in suffering. We're to sanctify our hearts to the Lord, empowered by the example of Christ, who ultimately suffered unjustly for sins He had not committed, but were ours.
As we practiced before the service, one of the songs we were doing as a band is a beautiful one called, "Revelation Song." Kari Jobe does an awesome version of it. As I was singing, for whatever reason, I didn't feel right in the way that it was coming across. My wonderful bandmates were encouraging, saying that it was fine, but I still was not content. After Josh taught on 1 Peter, we got back into singing our last few songs, and I had been praying all morning and then right before Revelation Song, specifically, asking Him to take over and sing it, because I just couldn't. He is so good!!! Because as soon as we started, He did! The song itself is taken from Revelation 4, the description of John seeing God as King upon His heavenly throne, and hearing the songs of the creatures and the elders being sung over and over. They say, " Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God almighty, who was and is and is to come." The chorus finishes out with the line "With all creation I sing praise to the King of Kings. You are my everything, and I will worship."
I literally couldn't stop shaking as we were singing it. From the beginning, I knew that it wasn't my song but His to cry out. The congregation raised their voices together and all around, as we continued to sing, the worship was led by the Spirit. Some were weeping, some laughing, some crying out, some in still awe, some shaking, but together, we had one mind and were focused on one thing... The one thing truly worthy of all our praise. The Almighty God, Creator of heaven and earth. It is amazing when God moves to fill us. We were talking afterwards about how intensely we felt Him move throughout. It was NOT a matter of conjuring emotion or being content to quench the Spirit. The Lord desired that His people would see and recognize that He WAS and IS and IS TO COME! He is still the God that, when He gathers His people, He shows them wonders and miracles. In Acts 2, Luke speaks of the first church, those followers of Christ in community together, saying "Everyone kept feeling a sense of awe." Our Father does astound us, He does shake us. He desires that we recognize who He is. When God came down to Moses, Moses made haste to bow down... He fell to the floor because that is how great His God is!!!
Today, it took everything that I had not to fall down prostrate in the middle of worship. I literally clung to the microphone, as the rest of me cried out... because God was that present. He is always with us, but how beautiful to witness it with the community of people I love and cherish here in Richmond. By the end of that song, Aletheia was on the ground, staring into the face of God, His holy and magnificent and love-scarred face. In all suffering, in all tribulation, in all blessing, I will praise you, oh Lord!
I leave you with this, and an encouragement to read Revelation 4. Chew on it, know that it is truth. Ultimate reality whether our actions regard it as such or not. He is glorious, and we are called to be His body, that the nations might see and know what a great God He is!
You who fear the LORD, praise Him;
All you descendants of Jacob, glorify Him,
And stand in awe of Him, all you descendants of Israel.
For He has not despised nor abhorred the affliction of the afflicted;
Nor has He hidden His face from him;
But when he cried to Him for help, He heard.
From You comes my praise in the great assembly;
I shall pay my vows before those who fear Him.
The afflicted will eat and be satisfied;
Those who seek Him will praise the LORD
Let your heart live forever!
All the ends of the earth will remember and turn to the LORD,
And all the families of the nations will worship before You.
For the kingdom is the LORD'S
And He rules over the nations.
All the prosperous of the earth will eat and worship,
All those who go down to the dust will bow before Him,
Even he who cannot keep his soul alive.
Posterity will serve Him;
It will be told of the Lord to the coming generation.
They will come and will declare His righteousness
To a people who will be born, that He has performed it.
-Psalm 22:23-31
10.30.2009
Building monuments...
The first one. We're going to start out easy, because, let's be honest, I have no idea what I'm doing. ;) I guess this serves as my preview of coming attractions.
There are so many other blogs that I am continually encouraged by. So many people that reveal truth and display God's living and active nature in their lives... I've been praying about starting one for a few months at least, now. (Yeah. I'm lame. I know.) I was afraid that I would have nothing to say, that what would come out would just be an account of menial day-to-day interactions and experiences. And trust me, my life isn't nearly exciting enough to warrant an audience, even a cyber one, for that. ;)
However, what God has affirmed to me, and what I can say without question, is that HE is worthy to be displayed and gazed upon. His acts are wondrous and He calls the world to stand by, to watch and be amazed. In the Old Testament, as we watch the creation and progress of God's people, Israel, there is a pattern that God calls for. The Israelites are in trouble, the enemy (whether internal or external) is pressing upon them, and as they wait, the Lord performs miraculous signs and wonders, affirming again that He is the ultimate King, the sovereign power of earth and heaven and HE is the one they are to believe and trust in as they proceed. He is their Savior. Many times, after He would perform these wonders, the Lord would call their leader to build a monument to Him, whether a book or a song or stones, that whenever the people saw or heard it, they would recall the glory of the Lord shown that day, and they would continue to remind generation upon generation of the magnificence of their God. In Joshua 4, it says, "When your children ask their fathers in time to come, saying 'What are these stones?' then you shall inform your children, saying 'Israel crossed this Jordan on dry ground.' For the Lord your God dried up the waters of the Jordan before you until you had crossed, just as the Lord your God had done to the Red Sea, which He dried up before us until we had crossed; that all the peoples of the earth may know that the hand of the Lord is mighty, so that you may fear the Lord your God forever." Even in dark times, even in dry times, even in quiet times, even in painful times, they were called to remember the greatness of their God and trust in Him.
So this is my desire, to chronicle some of the things He does, teaches, reveals as I (try to!) actively surrender to Him daily. Erecting monuments for myself and, I pray, for you, as you see the amazing things He accomplishes. Now, I'm not anticipating parting the James River or anything of that nature, but since starting out here in Richmond at Aletheia, He's asserted His presence and authority over and over in so many ways. Seeing the gospel transform people's lives, seeing Him build up a community of men and women genuinely in love with Christ and wholly devoted to exalting Him amongst one another and those around them, seeing Him provide for needs too great to be understood or dealt with, seeing how He's taken a rebellious heart like mine and made it yearn for Him like a baby for milk... And even before this season of my life, He has acted over and over to make me what I am and put me where He has- through a divine series of events, if you will. I pray that through sharing pieces of these things, God would gain the glory that He so fully deserves. Know that it is all His and none of it mine...
And before I end, I must clarify the premise under which I begin writing. You must know who I am to understand the rest. For those who may not know me, and for those who may but, forgive me, do not know what the purpose and central love of my life is- I am completely and utterly indebted to Jesus Christ, who bought me by His blood along with the rest who He calls out, that I might die to myself and this world and be made alive in Him, the ultimate revelation of God's justice and mercy. I am a sinner saved by grace through faith in the work of Jesus, who suffered on the cross for my sins, taking the punishment of death that I deserved because I disobeyed and did not love the God who created me. But now, through turning back to Him and trusting that Jesus' sacrifice was the only one worthy of a perfect God, not my own works, my own imperfect efforts, He has given me a gift of eternal life in a relationship with Him. My salvation and expectation. I love my Lord and God. That is who I am. His undeserving but abundantly loved daughter.
I pray these monuments encourage you to seek, remember, and hold fast to the truth of our great God.
-Erin :)
There are so many other blogs that I am continually encouraged by. So many people that reveal truth and display God's living and active nature in their lives... I've been praying about starting one for a few months at least, now. (Yeah. I'm lame. I know.) I was afraid that I would have nothing to say, that what would come out would just be an account of menial day-to-day interactions and experiences. And trust me, my life isn't nearly exciting enough to warrant an audience, even a cyber one, for that. ;)
However, what God has affirmed to me, and what I can say without question, is that HE is worthy to be displayed and gazed upon. His acts are wondrous and He calls the world to stand by, to watch and be amazed. In the Old Testament, as we watch the creation and progress of God's people, Israel, there is a pattern that God calls for. The Israelites are in trouble, the enemy (whether internal or external) is pressing upon them, and as they wait, the Lord performs miraculous signs and wonders, affirming again that He is the ultimate King, the sovereign power of earth and heaven and HE is the one they are to believe and trust in as they proceed. He is their Savior. Many times, after He would perform these wonders, the Lord would call their leader to build a monument to Him, whether a book or a song or stones, that whenever the people saw or heard it, they would recall the glory of the Lord shown that day, and they would continue to remind generation upon generation of the magnificence of their God. In Joshua 4, it says, "When your children ask their fathers in time to come, saying 'What are these stones?' then you shall inform your children, saying 'Israel crossed this Jordan on dry ground.' For the Lord your God dried up the waters of the Jordan before you until you had crossed, just as the Lord your God had done to the Red Sea, which He dried up before us until we had crossed; that all the peoples of the earth may know that the hand of the Lord is mighty, so that you may fear the Lord your God forever." Even in dark times, even in dry times, even in quiet times, even in painful times, they were called to remember the greatness of their God and trust in Him.
So this is my desire, to chronicle some of the things He does, teaches, reveals as I (try to!) actively surrender to Him daily. Erecting monuments for myself and, I pray, for you, as you see the amazing things He accomplishes. Now, I'm not anticipating parting the James River or anything of that nature, but since starting out here in Richmond at Aletheia, He's asserted His presence and authority over and over in so many ways. Seeing the gospel transform people's lives, seeing Him build up a community of men and women genuinely in love with Christ and wholly devoted to exalting Him amongst one another and those around them, seeing Him provide for needs too great to be understood or dealt with, seeing how He's taken a rebellious heart like mine and made it yearn for Him like a baby for milk... And even before this season of my life, He has acted over and over to make me what I am and put me where He has- through a divine series of events, if you will. I pray that through sharing pieces of these things, God would gain the glory that He so fully deserves. Know that it is all His and none of it mine...
And before I end, I must clarify the premise under which I begin writing. You must know who I am to understand the rest. For those who may not know me, and for those who may but, forgive me, do not know what the purpose and central love of my life is- I am completely and utterly indebted to Jesus Christ, who bought me by His blood along with the rest who He calls out, that I might die to myself and this world and be made alive in Him, the ultimate revelation of God's justice and mercy. I am a sinner saved by grace through faith in the work of Jesus, who suffered on the cross for my sins, taking the punishment of death that I deserved because I disobeyed and did not love the God who created me. But now, through turning back to Him and trusting that Jesus' sacrifice was the only one worthy of a perfect God, not my own works, my own imperfect efforts, He has given me a gift of eternal life in a relationship with Him. My salvation and expectation. I love my Lord and God. That is who I am. His undeserving but abundantly loved daughter.
I pray these monuments encourage you to seek, remember, and hold fast to the truth of our great God.
-Erin :)
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