Once upon a time...

Once upon a time, 39 years ago, my parents met...

Today, September 14th, 2012, they are celebrating their 38th wedding anniversary. Growing up, I never noticed the intricacies of how God brings things together. I wasn't aware enough to observe, let alone appreciate them. You don't really think of your parents as "real people." They were just always Mommy and Daddy...

But they weren't always my mommy and daddy. They were Dick and Robin. Dick was a young man, thirsty for adventure, in his early 20s, enlisted and serving in the Coast Guard, recently stationed in Northern Virginia. Robin was a sweet, somewhat sheltered young girl about a year older, finishing up her senior year in the teaching program at George Mason College. Robin had grown up, naive and protected, never really dating anyone because no one particularly interested her. Dick... well... we'll call him the rebel. ;) But a reformed rebel that had been changed by Christ when he was 18.

They met in the spring, working through a local Young Life chapter. Dick had just been relocated to the area on his ship, and early that year, they were assigned to lead a Young Life club together. (Schools were year round, and Dick was stationed on a nearby base.) They saw one another's passion for the Lord as they worked side by side. And they enjoyed each other's company. So things continued amicably enough. Robin graduated in May, and Dick got her a graduation card. She took a job working in the nearby school system with primary age children. In June, Dick started hanging around more. He was living on base, and Robin and her roommates had a house nearby. So Dick would come over and work on their cars, or fix things, or do whatever needed to be done. And he would stay around and talk to Robin. Her family and friends started noticing, and started conveniently orchestrating dinners, and then remember other plans... so SOMEbody had to eat the food... ;) Robin was finding that she really liked receiving attention from Dick, and even doing silly things like squirt gun fights or staying up to all hours, talking about nothing in particular. And, you may laugh, but for the first time, she didn't think she'd mind being kissed by this particular young man, should he ever try. ;) (On past dates, she admitted to strategically playing with her necklace over her mouth in case the boy got any ideas. And even once, trying to end a date on her doorstep, she actually said, ever so politely to an unfortunate young gentleman, "If you want to make this the perfect night, please don't kiss me." Yep, that's my mom. ;) )

Now, this could be your typical "boy meets girl" story, but the Lord works intricately and intentionally, so that there's no mistaking His own craftsmanship... And you have to factor in my Dad. Dick had had a history with the ladies. (He was really cute in his uniform. It's not that much of a surprise... ;) ) In and out of relationships, he had struggled. And a little while before meeting Robin, he had resolved and told God (ha!), in an effort at maturity and purity, that he was swearing off women. They were a stumbling block and a distraction, no matter how disciplined he tried to be, so he was cutting off the hand that sins, so to speak... So when he met this sweet young lady with a beautifully gentle and quiet spirit, who feared the Lord and responded to his attention, he couldn't figure out what he was supposed to do with that. CLEARLY this must be the enemy's attack on his character and faithfulness, but he was a strong man! He would fight it... fight the feelings, fight the whispers, fight the external commentary from others... But he couldn't shake it... This girl was different. And he desperately wanted to protect her, even from himself. 

So, Dick and Robin were hanging out a lot by the end of that summer, but technically weren't "dating" as they were both staff workers with Young Life, and it wouldn't have been allowed. Dick was trying to figure out what in the world to do with this inner turmoil, as Robin was growing in affection, but simply having to trust and pray and guard her heart because this boy was all over the map and not saying a word. Now, there's one more thing that started happening about 5 months into this friendship, around August of that year. Robin started having dreams. When she tries to describe them now, she can't do it, but they were all to the same effect. Dick and she were going to be together... But was this a girl's wishful thinking? An unguarded heart running away? She resolved to pray and wait, and pondered them in her heart. Again, he hadn't said a word, so she didn't know. (All those who are fans of the clear DTR plan are squirming right now... ;) ) But things seemed different...

And then, one night about 6 months from when they originally met, Dick, the righteous fighter, woke up abruptly in the middle of the night. He sat up in bed in a sweat, and exclaimed aloud, "Ok! I'll marry her in September!" He didn't know exactly what he had just dreamed, but he knew upon waking, that the Lord had said this was His plan. Dick had confirmation, in no uncertain terms. The Lord had picked Robin for him. But she was so innocent, so pure... He didn't want to mess this up, but he feared the Lord and knew something had to be done.

So, that weekend, he invited her to go on a picnic with him. This particular weekend, though, Dick was on a "death watch." When someone super important dies, a member of each branch of the military take shifts standing a continuous watch over their body from the period of death to burial. (Think of what we saw at Reagan's funeral.) There was a 5 star general that was close to passing away, and Dick had to check in every 15 minutes by finding a pay phone, calling a number and asking, "Is he dead yet?" (Yeah, perfect date, right? ;) ) But he NEEDed to talk to her. So, Robin packed a basket lunch and they went out to Great Falls Park. She could tell he had something on his mind, but they talked about other things for over an hour, with him getting up every 15 minutes to make his phone call. Finally, towards the end of this time, Dick couldn't hold it in anymore, and confessed, "I have to tell you something. I had this dream..." And proceeded to share the very limited details he could remember, but that he woke up with that exclamation that they were supposed to get married in September... "So," he finished warily, "what do you think?"

Of all the lines a guy uses to propose... ;) No ring, no knee, no banner in the sky. He had stated the facts and awaited this young lady's reply... But what he didn't know yet was that the Lord had been at work in her heart as well, and this wasn't a shock to Robin. She'd dreamed this. She knew. The Lord had made it clear, independently of his actions and words, this was the man she was called to support and love and follow. God had worked everything out. He had called Dick and Robin out to covenant their lives together to Christ. He had done it, not them, and they both knew it without a shadow of a doubt. They saw, and heard, and believed, and obeyed. Sure enough, the next September (about a year later), they were married.

One more fun fact... As any good little sister, my mom's teenage sister, Claire, was involved in Young Life club in high school at the time. She and her friends had seen this thing developing and everyone was gunning for it. The high school kids had a retreat that same picnic weekend out to Windy Gap, and apparently, while there, she and her girlfriends had decided to pray all weekend that Dick and Robin would get engaged. So when they got back, and Robin picked Claire up from the bus and shared what had happened the day before, Claire got to excitedly bound back to her girlfriends, saying, "It worked! It worked!" ;)

And 38 years later, my parents are still in love, still serving Christ, and still completely confident in the beautiful tapestry that God Himself spun and unveiled so many years ago. Even talking to her tonight about it, she said, "We couldn't do anything else. It couldn't have happened any other way. Divorce or not staying in it were never an option. Because God did this, not us. There wasn't any room to doubt, even now." To God be the glory. :)

I, for one, am so thankful that in these two people's lives, the proverb was confirmed true: "A man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps."

Happy anniversary, Mommy and Daddy. :) Glad you fell in love with Christ and with each other, and I pray that you enjoy doing it all over again this year, just as every other!

Lean Hard...

This poem has been on my heart for a long time now. I don't remember how I came across it, but ever since I read it a year or so ago, it has remained a beautiful song of truth to my often weary and forgetful heart. No matter how chaotic or confusing or disheartening or exhausting things of this world may be, they are known. Because I am known. And the One who knows me loves me well enough to endure all things for me... He is working it all together for my good and His glory, and I can't help but rejoice in that.

“Cast your burden upon the LORD and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken. ” (Psalm 55:22)

Lean Hard

Child of My love, lean hard,

And let Me feel the pressure of thy care;

I know thy burden, child, I shaped it;

Poised it in My own hand, made no proportion in its weight to thine unaided strength;

For even as I laid it on, I said

I shall be near, and while he leans on Me,

This burden shall be Mine, not his;

So shall I keep My child within the circling arms of My own love.

Here lay it down, nor fear to impose it on a shoulder which upholds the government of worlds.

Yet closer come; thou art not near enough;

I would embrace thy care so I might feel My child reposing on My breast.

Thou lovest Me? I know it. Doubt not then;

But, loving Me, lean hard.

-- May Prentiss Smith

  I thank the Lord for how He reminds me that, in all things, I need Him... and Him alone. And He will always be there, sustaining as I lean hard into Him.

“Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your cares upon Him; because He cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7).

The "S" word...

Last night, I went out to the restaurant where I waitress part time, for a glass of wine with my boss and a wholesaler. (In the financial advising world, you get bought a lot of lunches and taken out for a lot of drinks in order to convince you to invest your clients' money in certain financial products and funds. I'm just asked to tag along for entertainment, I guess.) This particular wholesaler was a very gregarious, well-educated and thoughtful guy in his early 40s working out of Northern Virginia. (who, by the way, showed me how to do the coolest trick with a wine bottle and cork that I've ever seen!) As my boss talked to another client, Eric (the wholesaler) and I got to talking and he started peppering me with lots of questions about myself, my background, my aspirations, etc. Apparently, I don't fit the norm of the average office assistant. (Ha, go figure. ;) ) I'm also not 23. (Apparently a shocker. ;) )

During the course of our conversation, one of the questions he asked was if my last name was really two words. Naturally, he wanted the back story, so I explained the whole King Richard the Lion-hearted's other kid with his other wife "At The Lee river" thing, which led to discussions of assuming the throne of England and then to just visiting England and then to my singleness not having someone to travel there with. (I promise, it made sense at the time.) He gave the ever-familiar, "What? Are you being serious? I don't believe you. How can you not have a boyfriend?" (Informative aside- There is NEVER a good reason to ask that question. This usually well-meaning, though slightly back-handed, compliment is a virtual sinkhole for the single person, because, trust me, aside from very few exceptions, they've already spent PLENTY of time wrestling with that very query on their own, and it would seem they haven't figured out the answer yet, either...) Thankfully, being 28 and having attended over 50 weddings at this point (a veritable hotbed for this particular inquiry to spring up), I've had a little more time to formulate my response, and so I answered him honestly and concisely. I see no purpose in dating apart from someone I could see myself marrying, which means it would have to be a man I was willing to s***** myself to.

At that instant, I literally can't describe for you the face that this guy made. Imagine a deer in the headlights and screeching mental tires, as our entire interaction came to an abrupt halt. For a split second, I half expected to be handed a bar of soap to wash my mouth out. He starts waving me off, turns around to the bar to put his wine glass down (apparently for fear of breaking it in shock over whatever ridiculous, socially inappropriate thing was going to come out of my mouth next), looks back at me with an incredulous face, and says "You've got to be kidding me! You can't ACTUALLY believe that, right?" And for a moment, in my head, was a little voice saying, Congratulations, Erin. You have now lost all credibility and proved yourself the most foolish person in the room.

For the purpose of clarity, please bear with me as I'm going to dare to use this word going forward. Please forgive me if I offend. I'm sure the grimaces will decrease as it's repeated. (I feel like I'm saying Voldemort at Hogwarts... Yeah... I just used that analogy. ;) ) I told this guy that I wanted to submit to my husband once I'm married...  What a dirty, terrible, disgusting word! How brainwashed am I?!

Now, let me give props to the true master of communication Himself, the Holy Spirit. Because, had He not stepped in here, I would have tucked my tail and began discussing how often it rains on the plains in Spain. However, all things glorify the Lord, and this particular call to willing submission and headship is one of the things that makes the marriage relationship such a gorgeous exhibition of the gospel of Jesus.

I asked Eric if I could clarify what the term submission means, and he emphatically invited me to go on. Our conversation went something like this:

Me: "So when you think of submission, you've got a picture in your head of a man dominating a woman, right? She isn't considered equal, but is of a lower value than the man, and is expected to do any and everything he wants. Kind of a, 'Woman, get me my beer!' image, right?"
Eric: "Yeah, he tells her what to do, and she has to submit to him."
Me: "Well, that's what we've come to understand that it is, but actually, since I'm a believer in the teachings of Jesus and the Bible, it clarifies that true submission looks VERY different than that. It's not coerced, but it's willingly chosen. Let me ask you this- If there was someone in your life who loved you dearly and deeply, even more than themself, who made it their goal to make sure you were protected and cared for, and wanted the absolute best for you even to the point that they would be willing to die for you to be preserved, would you be willing to follow their guidance and instruction to you?"
Eric: "Well, of course. Who wouldn't answer yes to that question?"
Me: "Well, that's the beauty of what I believe marriage was created to show. In a letter in the Bible, it says that husbands are to love their wives in the same way that Jesus loved us, to the point that He died for us on the cross to give us true life. He lived to guide, protect, and purify us so that we could actually live a life full of joy with Him forever. So, if I have a husband that, even though he's not perfect, loves me and is trying with all that he is to be like Christ to me every day, then I will WANT to follow him and encourage him and be his partner in whatever awesome adventures God has for the two of us. So it's not that I'd HAVE to submit to him. I'd want to, if he was that kind of man."
Eric: "Ok. I see that..."
Me: "It's funny that we think that word is so awful, but every day, you and I willingly submit ourselves to the authority of others. It's the only way businesses run. Or the military. The Bible is very clear that man and woman are both made in the image of God, so they're equally like Him and loved by Him. One is not more precious than the other. I submit to my boss at work every day. But there are certain things that I'm way better at than he is... And he's SUPER grateful for it. I'm not worth less as a person because I choose to follow his instruction. And, if he's a good boss, he's looking out for my best interests, not just his, right?"
Eric: "Yeah, if he's a good one..."
Me: "Exactly. So submission is not only necessary for goals to be accomplished and unity in purpose and direction to be achieved, it's beautiful, and it's an act of love and respect that I want to be able to give to my husband- a worthy man, a 'good one,' who will love me and protect me and be willing to sacrifice himself for me. Because I will absolutely do the same for him. I'll submit myself to him, trusting him to strive to be like Christ as the leader of my family. Because, let's be honest, if we're looking for somebody to emulate that fits the description of that amazing leader I described before, Jesus takes it by a landslide."

This led into another hour-long conversation about whether the Bible was reliable, what it looks like to be a Christian, and whether Jesus really was who it says He was and did what He said He did... It was awesome. Kind of mind-blowing. Totally unexpected. Standing in the middle of the bar at the restaurant I waitress at... ;)

I'm so thankful to be where I am. It's so blatantly contrary to this world's expectations. I've talked to several lovely friends recently about how we struggle sometimes. If I'm completely honest, I, like virtually every other girl no matter how tough and independent she is, deeply desire to be protected and loved, to be found worthy and satisfactory by a man who's willing to lay himself down and who I can encourage, respect, and follow. And that's a natural, beautiful desire. At the same time, though, that's a high call for a man to seek after, to lead me in the way Christ leads his (stubborn!) church. Believe me when I say I pray for my husband to be forgiving and to love being sanctified, because I'm certainly a work in progress. ;) Now, sometimes it's hard, and all I want is to just say yes and go for it with the next guy that comes along... Oh, the foolish fleeting thought that something is better than nothing... But then I'm reminded of Who made me and the lengths He went to to save me. I know what I'm created for, and I've simply been ruined for anything less.

So, for the moment, I am here, answering those awkward questions, while rejoicing as I see and get to share in the beauty and mystery of marriage in the lives of my dear friends. But, make no mistake, please. I'm NOT called to simply sit and wait for something to come along, that knight in shining armor whose horse must have needed a lot of water breaks along the way..., but to live every moment "concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit... undistracted devotion." It's a blessing and special call to be undivided for a time, however long that time is. Sarah, Ruth, Hannah, Mary, Lydia... these women feared the Lord, and trusted Him above all else. And that is what they were revered for, married or not, mother or not. I want to be a woman who fears the Lord, and then I can walk without fear in the face of everything else. I am in love and wholly loved and protected just as I am, and it's beautiful to be able to look ahead knowing that, come what may.

Daddy's Li'l Girl

This February 18th, it'll be my dad's 59th birthday. I figured I'd share some of my meditations with you, as this blog is supposed to be a reflection of the Lord's work around me. And my daddy is one of the biggest reflectors of Christ I know.


My dad is an authentic man of God. I say that with no doubt, no hesitation, and an overwhelming sense of blessedness. Throughout my life, he has constantly shown me what it means to live out faith in Christ as a light in darkness. I see a world all around that's caught up living lives for personal gain, personal achievement, and personal glory. And a false notion for Christians that "ministry" is a series of events organized in a church building and funded by church-going people... but not according to him. 


Now, I should put a disclaimer in here before I go any further. My dad is by no means perfect. The problem with having great strengths is that the Lord pairs them with greater weaknesses to keep us in that precious and necessary posture of humility and insufficiency. And my dad has his fair share (that patched hole in the stairwell at our house is a reminder of that ;) ) We're all sinners who fall short, and he is no exception... But when I think of him, it's not those shortcomings that define him. 


You know what I see when I look at him?...


A man who takes care of orphans. (Isaiah 1:17) - He has given the majority of his life to youth who have had no earthly dads. As long as I can remember, we always had people in and out of our house, as he loved and cared for those in desperate need of a father, whether that was through emotional trials, substance abuse recovery, grief counseling, spiritual confusion, financial need or homelessness. I noticed about a week ago on our kitchen table a series of letters from a young guy serving a sentence in prison, but who wrote regularly to my dad, seeking his prayers, counsel, and love during that time. That stack was sitting right next to some documents for a set of girls who lost their mom tragically years ago, but for whom my parents, during the years since, have acted as unofficial guardians, through the good and the bad.


A man who guards the widow. (Deuteronomy 10:18) - As I sit upstairs right now, he is downstairs with my mom, after getting home late from work, helping a woman who lost her husband a few years ago do her taxes and navigate through difficult circumstances.


A man who teaches other men. (2 Timothy 2:2) - He spent the past weekend leading a retreat with a group of men from his church, sharing the gospel, teaching the scriptures, and learning together what it looks like to be men who fight for God and their families. These men started getting together weekly about a year ago to condemn passivity and learn from scripture what it means to be authentic men in every day life. Through this "Men's Fraternity," lives have been changed, men have stepped up, and others have come to know Christ as a result. 


A man who loves and protects his wife. (1 Peter 3:7)- I love the little moments I'm blessed to see, being back home for a little while. Him smiling to see my mom when she gets home; Them going grocery shopping together; Him reaching over to take her hand as we drive home from dinner out.


A man who both disciplines and delights in his children. (Ephesians 6:4) - I remember when I was little, whenever I was in serious trouble (which was rare, of course ;) ), he would bring me into their bedroom and ask me what I did, so I had to confess and acknowledge my need to be punished. Then I was put over his knee and spanked. But, immediately after, he would set me back up on his lap, brush away my tears, hug me and tell me how much he hated doing that and how much he loved me. Even today, though it's changed in form and substance, he's always there to give both the hard truth and the compassionate mercy I and my siblings need.


A man who hungers after the Word. (Psalm 119:14)- My mom asked me at one point, if my dad died, what would I want to make sure I kept as a memory of him. The only thing I could think of was his old, well-used NAS bible. I love hearing him tell me about how crazy Ezekiel was, or reminding me of Zephaniah 3:17 when I'm struggling, or randomly texting me about how relevant that part of Tozer's book or that sermon by Tommy Nelson is in his life.


A man who honors and fights for his country. (Romans 13:7)- He served 27 years in the Coast Guard, enlisting out of high school, in and out on deployments to sea when we were kids, and rising to the rank of Commander before retiring to work as a contractor. But even more than that, he works to live righteously as a citizen of his country. He doesn't dodge his taxes. He doesn't speed. He pays back what he borrowed. He respects and prays for his appointed leaders, whether he agrees with them or not.


I could keep going, but I'll stop with this. Recently, he and I were talking and somehow the topic of child-rearing came up. He shared a story he hadn't told me before. Some time ago, when both my sister and I were very young, he went to a men's conference, during which they talked about how to care for daughters. He was suddenly struck and weighed down by the heaviness of what it meant to be a daddy to a little girl; That her perceptions of men, of the world, of her own worth, and of her heavenly Father rested squarely and uniquely on the shoulders of her daddy. He told me that when he realized that, he broke down, knowing that he could never live up to all those expectations. He couldn't be what we needed. But rather than running scared, or giving up, he covenanted to pray for us and entrust us daily, along with himself, to his own perfect heavenly Father. He would do his best to love Jesus and live by grace through faith, and encourage us to do the same, come what may.


I have to say, that last part makes him more of a Godly man in my eyes than anything else. He's shown me what a worthy man looks like. I'm proud to be my daddy's li'l girl.


So happy birthday, daddy. :) Keep running your race as to win the prize, and know that I'm proud to be cheering you on.