The "S" word...

Last night, I went out to the restaurant where I waitress part time, for a glass of wine with my boss and a wholesaler. (In the financial advising world, you get bought a lot of lunches and taken out for a lot of drinks in order to convince you to invest your clients' money in certain financial products and funds. I'm just asked to tag along for entertainment, I guess.) This particular wholesaler was a very gregarious, well-educated and thoughtful guy in his early 40s working out of Northern Virginia. (who, by the way, showed me how to do the coolest trick with a wine bottle and cork that I've ever seen!) As my boss talked to another client, Eric (the wholesaler) and I got to talking and he started peppering me with lots of questions about myself, my background, my aspirations, etc. Apparently, I don't fit the norm of the average office assistant. (Ha, go figure. ;) ) I'm also not 23. (Apparently a shocker. ;) )

During the course of our conversation, one of the questions he asked was if my last name was really two words. Naturally, he wanted the back story, so I explained the whole King Richard the Lion-hearted's other kid with his other wife "At The Lee river" thing, which led to discussions of assuming the throne of England and then to just visiting England and then to my singleness not having someone to travel there with. (I promise, it made sense at the time.) He gave the ever-familiar, "What? Are you being serious? I don't believe you. How can you not have a boyfriend?" (Informative aside- There is NEVER a good reason to ask that question. This usually well-meaning, though slightly back-handed, compliment is a virtual sinkhole for the single person, because, trust me, aside from very few exceptions, they've already spent PLENTY of time wrestling with that very query on their own, and it would seem they haven't figured out the answer yet, either...) Thankfully, being 28 and having attended over 50 weddings at this point (a veritable hotbed for this particular inquiry to spring up), I've had a little more time to formulate my response, and so I answered him honestly and concisely. I see no purpose in dating apart from someone I could see myself marrying, which means it would have to be a man I was willing to s***** myself to.

At that instant, I literally can't describe for you the face that this guy made. Imagine a deer in the headlights and screeching mental tires, as our entire interaction came to an abrupt halt. For a split second, I half expected to be handed a bar of soap to wash my mouth out. He starts waving me off, turns around to the bar to put his wine glass down (apparently for fear of breaking it in shock over whatever ridiculous, socially inappropriate thing was going to come out of my mouth next), looks back at me with an incredulous face, and says "You've got to be kidding me! You can't ACTUALLY believe that, right?" And for a moment, in my head, was a little voice saying, Congratulations, Erin. You have now lost all credibility and proved yourself the most foolish person in the room.

For the purpose of clarity, please bear with me as I'm going to dare to use this word going forward. Please forgive me if I offend. I'm sure the grimaces will decrease as it's repeated. (I feel like I'm saying Voldemort at Hogwarts... Yeah... I just used that analogy. ;) ) I told this guy that I wanted to submit to my husband once I'm married...  What a dirty, terrible, disgusting word! How brainwashed am I?!

Now, let me give props to the true master of communication Himself, the Holy Spirit. Because, had He not stepped in here, I would have tucked my tail and began discussing how often it rains on the plains in Spain. However, all things glorify the Lord, and this particular call to willing submission and headship is one of the things that makes the marriage relationship such a gorgeous exhibition of the gospel of Jesus.

I asked Eric if I could clarify what the term submission means, and he emphatically invited me to go on. Our conversation went something like this:

Me: "So when you think of submission, you've got a picture in your head of a man dominating a woman, right? She isn't considered equal, but is of a lower value than the man, and is expected to do any and everything he wants. Kind of a, 'Woman, get me my beer!' image, right?"
Eric: "Yeah, he tells her what to do, and she has to submit to him."
Me: "Well, that's what we've come to understand that it is, but actually, since I'm a believer in the teachings of Jesus and the Bible, it clarifies that true submission looks VERY different than that. It's not coerced, but it's willingly chosen. Let me ask you this- If there was someone in your life who loved you dearly and deeply, even more than themself, who made it their goal to make sure you were protected and cared for, and wanted the absolute best for you even to the point that they would be willing to die for you to be preserved, would you be willing to follow their guidance and instruction to you?"
Eric: "Well, of course. Who wouldn't answer yes to that question?"
Me: "Well, that's the beauty of what I believe marriage was created to show. In a letter in the Bible, it says that husbands are to love their wives in the same way that Jesus loved us, to the point that He died for us on the cross to give us true life. He lived to guide, protect, and purify us so that we could actually live a life full of joy with Him forever. So, if I have a husband that, even though he's not perfect, loves me and is trying with all that he is to be like Christ to me every day, then I will WANT to follow him and encourage him and be his partner in whatever awesome adventures God has for the two of us. So it's not that I'd HAVE to submit to him. I'd want to, if he was that kind of man."
Eric: "Ok. I see that..."
Me: "It's funny that we think that word is so awful, but every day, you and I willingly submit ourselves to the authority of others. It's the only way businesses run. Or the military. The Bible is very clear that man and woman are both made in the image of God, so they're equally like Him and loved by Him. One is not more precious than the other. I submit to my boss at work every day. But there are certain things that I'm way better at than he is... And he's SUPER grateful for it. I'm not worth less as a person because I choose to follow his instruction. And, if he's a good boss, he's looking out for my best interests, not just his, right?"
Eric: "Yeah, if he's a good one..."
Me: "Exactly. So submission is not only necessary for goals to be accomplished and unity in purpose and direction to be achieved, it's beautiful, and it's an act of love and respect that I want to be able to give to my husband- a worthy man, a 'good one,' who will love me and protect me and be willing to sacrifice himself for me. Because I will absolutely do the same for him. I'll submit myself to him, trusting him to strive to be like Christ as the leader of my family. Because, let's be honest, if we're looking for somebody to emulate that fits the description of that amazing leader I described before, Jesus takes it by a landslide."

This led into another hour-long conversation about whether the Bible was reliable, what it looks like to be a Christian, and whether Jesus really was who it says He was and did what He said He did... It was awesome. Kind of mind-blowing. Totally unexpected. Standing in the middle of the bar at the restaurant I waitress at... ;)

I'm so thankful to be where I am. It's so blatantly contrary to this world's expectations. I've talked to several lovely friends recently about how we struggle sometimes. If I'm completely honest, I, like virtually every other girl no matter how tough and independent she is, deeply desire to be protected and loved, to be found worthy and satisfactory by a man who's willing to lay himself down and who I can encourage, respect, and follow. And that's a natural, beautiful desire. At the same time, though, that's a high call for a man to seek after, to lead me in the way Christ leads his (stubborn!) church. Believe me when I say I pray for my husband to be forgiving and to love being sanctified, because I'm certainly a work in progress. ;) Now, sometimes it's hard, and all I want is to just say yes and go for it with the next guy that comes along... Oh, the foolish fleeting thought that something is better than nothing... But then I'm reminded of Who made me and the lengths He went to to save me. I know what I'm created for, and I've simply been ruined for anything less.

So, for the moment, I am here, answering those awkward questions, while rejoicing as I see and get to share in the beauty and mystery of marriage in the lives of my dear friends. But, make no mistake, please. I'm NOT called to simply sit and wait for something to come along, that knight in shining armor whose horse must have needed a lot of water breaks along the way..., but to live every moment "concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit... undistracted devotion." It's a blessing and special call to be undivided for a time, however long that time is. Sarah, Ruth, Hannah, Mary, Lydia... these women feared the Lord, and trusted Him above all else. And that is what they were revered for, married or not, mother or not. I want to be a woman who fears the Lord, and then I can walk without fear in the face of everything else. I am in love and wholly loved and protected just as I am, and it's beautiful to be able to look ahead knowing that, come what may.