Help my unbelief!

When Jesus returned from the mount of transfiguration, "Immediately, when the entire crowd saw Him, they were amazed and began running up to greet Him. And He asked them, "What are you discussing with them?" And one of the crowd answered Him, "Teacher, I brought You my son, possessed with a spirit which makes him mute; and whenever it seizes him, it slams him to the ground and he foams at the mouth, and grinds his teeth and stiffens out. I told Your disciples to cast it out, and they could not do it." And He answered them and said, "O unbelieving generation, how long shall I be with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring him to Me!" They brought the boy to Him. When he saw Him, immediately the spirit threw him into a convulsion, and falling to the ground, he began rolling around and foaming at the mouth. And He asked his father, "How long has this been happening to him?" And he said, "From childhood. It has often thrown him both into the fire and into the water to destroy him. But if You can do anything, take pity on us and help us!" And Jesus said to him, " 'If You can?' All things are possible to him who believes." Immediately the boy's father cried out and said, "I do believe; help my unbelief." When Jesus saw that a crowd was rapidly gathering, He rebuked the unclean spirit, saying to it, "You deaf and mute spirit, I command you, come out of him and do not enter him again." After crying out and throwing him into terrible convulsions, it came out; and the boy became so much like a corpse that most of them said, "He is dead!" But Jesus took him by the hand and raised him; and he got up."  Mark 9:15-27

This is such a complex and amazing story. This past week has been a series of ups and downs. Scripture is so good to reveal our human hearts and His divine wisdom in light of this ailment. I often find myself struggling to believe. Now, in saying that, I should clarify. I don't mean doubting the facts... I know the person of God as Christ, I know His sacrifices and resurrection, His power over my life and ability to restore light to the darkness I resided in. However, this "faith" is a constant struggle. I find myself able to spend entire days in a manner that in no way reflects the power with which the Holy Spirit changed me. It's scary... Without even realizing it, I forget Him. I begin to trust in myself and my deeds- always ending in gross disappointment.

The crowds that had gathered had seen and heard of Christ's power, His ability to feed, to heal, to drive out demons. They knew His disciples. They had heard His inexplicable wisdom. And yet, when Christ went away for only a small time, it was enough for them to look to other saviors, to become disillusioned about their confidences, and to place their trust in a disappointing tangible reality. It is very similar to Israel, after the exodus, when Moses went up on the mountain to commune with God, and the people wasted no time in requiring something in the moment to look at and focus their praise and attentions on. The people were "amazed" by Jesus' return, welcoming Him back and then hesitating to confess their concerns in His midst. Jesus is rightly frustrated by this people. I know all too well that time of losing focus and setting it on the things around.

Finally, the father speaks up for his child, who the disciples were unable to heal and requested of Christ that, if able, He would help. I look on myself in shame as I read Jesus' rebuke of his faithlessness. If I can?! If I can?! Do you know Me?? Have you forgotten? Are you so willing to demean who you trusted in, what you saw and knew? I, that have the power to conquer death and give life, to shine incomprehensible light in utter darkness? I came to set captives & oppressed free, to recover the sight of the blind, to proclaim the favorable year of the Lord! Why do you forget Me??

And then the man's humble response, "I do believe! Help my unbelief!" So often I find myself with the desire to believe and then reminded that I am without the capacity to. But then, gracious Lord that He is, He shows Himself again- to these people, in the miracle of saving this child from the devil; to me, the same, but slightly different.

Last Sunday, after Aletheia in the morning, a large group of us went to Chilis to fellowship afterwards. While there, we had a wonderful waitress who several of my friends kept talking with and loving on. Towards the end, as people were beginning to leave, my friend Josh brought her over to me in an attempt to have her connect with another woman, and with an invitation to come out to church the next week. We began talking and before I knew it, the Holy Spirit was speaking the gospel through my mouth. We talked for another hour, her asking questions and confessing things that plagued her ability to believe in a loving and sovereign God and His Son, Jesus. By God's grace, He continued to answer those, returning to the truth of the gospel over and over. We put away the tables, but the conversation wasn't finished. We agreed to meet again, which happened on Friday. She laid out pieces of a torn past, growing up in foster care, siblings in & out of jail, doing and dealing drugs, now having a 7 month old, living paycheck to paycheck in the projects, and all the while seeking truth in astrology, wicca, drugs, science, anything and everything she was exposed to. Was it possible that there was a God? Was it possible that Jesus knew Him and was Him? That He loved us enough to die for us, even knowing the sin we estranged ourselves with? We talked through the Bible as God's word, that He prophesied throughout of this Messiah. We talked about Jesus's life as a man, that there are 4 amazing accounts of what He did, called the gospels, that there were amazing letters written by men who loved Him and spent themselves entirely to make Him known, that there were accounts hundreds of years before Christ that spoke as though they knew Him intimately. She went home with a desire to know the Word.

Today, we were blessed by her presence at church. And at the end, she was broken. Broken over sin, broken by compassion, broken by mercy and grace. She related to me later that as we sang one song in particular, she realized it was the truth and the cry of her heart- "All I need is You, Lord, is You Lord; All I need is You." We sat after the service in tears of hope.


Pray for her. Pray for the difficult situation she find herself in. The enemy will fight to keep her, he will strive against the power of Christ, but PRAISE THE LORD! HE WHO IS IN US IS GREATER THAN HE WHO IS IN THE WORLD! That Jesus, just as in that account in Mark, has the power to cast out the devil, and then reach out and restore life to His child.

As for me, He shows me yet again that my faith is not in vain. That He is indeed here, even when I forget. And He is power and might. Not me. Him. Jesus Christ, my Lord, my Savior. I cry out "Abba!", and He responds, Beloved one. I know you. You are mine. "See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God; and such we are!" 1 John 3:1

As a charge to you, I love the following note by Matthew Henry. Pray to believe! And pray that I would believe as well. Help my unbelief, Lord! Every moment, every day...

"In dealing with Christ, very much is put upon our believing, and very much promised it. Canst thou believe? Darest thou believe? Art thou willing to venture thy all in the hands of Christ? To venture all thy spiritual concerns with him, and all thy temporal concerns for him? Canst thou find in thy heart to do this? If so, it is not impossible but that, though thou has been a great sinner, thou mayest be reconciled; though thou art very mean and unworthy, thou mayest get to heaven. If thou canst believe, it is possible that thy hard heart may be softened, thy spiritual diseases may be cured; and that, weak as thou art, thou mayest be able to hold out to the end." 

And, oh, what a glorious end it shall be!